Position Application Letter Draft #2
Blk 12 Pizza Street
#12-34
Singapore 567890
3rd February 2010
Singapore Zoo
80 Mandai Lake Rd,
Singapore 729826
Tel: 65 6269 3411
Dear Sir/ Madam,
Junior Animal Management Officer
I am enclosing my resume in response to your advertisement for the above post which appeared on the Singapore Zoo website on 1st December 2009.
I have recently graduated from the National University of Singapore (NUS) with a Bachelor of Science degree in Life Science (Specialization in Biology). Besides my academic studies for the past three years, I have also worked part time as a music teacher and a private tuition teacher. I feel that this demonstrates my ability to maintain dedication, motivation and enthusiasm for a project over a long period of time. I consider that the study of Biology appropriate for the above post, particularly the course on Life form and function which explores the development of animals and plants. This module has allowed me to understand the various types of plants and animals and their various functions, which I believe is vital for this job, as prior knowledge of animals and plants would give me an edge in the job. Being a Life Science student, I am trained in writing scientific reports, which I consider essential for the job.
Studying at NUS gave me the opportunity to go to Toronto for a summer program, and being alone overseas has taught me to adapt to different circumstances and it has built my confidence in networking with people. Furthermore, being vice-director for an event organized by the Outdoor Activities Club in NUS, I had to liaise with various companies for sponsorship and recruit members into the event. This I believe has helped me work on and improve my interpersonal communication skills as well as leadership skills. In addition, working as both piano teacher and tuition teacher has taught me responsibility in terms of taking charge of my students’ studies and finding the initiative to develop new ways of teaching to interest them. All these I trust would be very valuable for the job.
From reading your press releases I am assured that your work with wildlife, as well as conservation efforts is highly regarded in the community. Furthermore, I believe that the zoo is moving towards an open educational concept aimed to effectively convey facts about the animals and messages about wildlife conservation. I have a passion for conservation and hope that I would be able to make a difference in society together with your company. I believe that the post of junior animal management officer would be worthwhile and challenging and am eager to learn valuable skills to make a difference in your company. I hope that you will look favourably at my application.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely,
Miss Tiffany Seow
posted by ♥tiffany at
9:26 PM
6 Comments:
Hi Tiff,
Overall, I think it is quite good because your letter is very well-organised and very relevant. It shows that you have did your research about the company also and is aware of what the company is looking for.Thumbs up :)
However, since this job is about "animal management" ( haha), then you might want to stress about your knowledge, coursework,research skils and field trip experiences in biology first, instead of mentioning about work experiences in teaching right first unless the job advertisement stress on working experience as a requirement.
Overall, the content is complete. Just need to add a little more zing to it. :)
February 7, 2010 at 11:14 PM
I think the formatt is okay but main issue when I read through the letter was the word "I believe". I think I read it around 5 times. Try to change it to something else or just remove it, makes the letter less repetitive.
"Being a Life Science student, I am trained in writing scientific reports" sounds a bit too wordy. Try using "Also I am trained..."
"This I believe has helped me work on and improve my interpersonal communication skills as well as leadership skills." Try "This has helped me work and improve.... skills and leadership skills."
Good luck with the letters!
February 8, 2010 at 7:24 PM
Hey guys,
Thanks for your comments on how to improve. Yeah I realized that there are many "I believe"s. Will change that. Any ideas on how to add more zing Dee? Yups will put the academic work before the working experience.
February 8, 2010 at 8:12 PM
Hey girl!
Firstly, I was laughing when I read this as we were just talking about the zoo today! How apt! =)
I think your application letter is really detailed and persuasive but I felt that it was a tad too long and wordy. That's just my point of view though.
Secondly, correct me if I'm wrong. The job of a junior animal management officer would be to take care of the well-being of the animals right? Perhaps you should include your passion for animals as that should be the most important thing an employee of the zoo should possess.
Hope I made sense! See you soon! =)
February 8, 2010 at 9:13 PM
Hi tiff!
Overall, it was quite well written! there isn't much too comment! it is good that you gave a module that you took in school as an example on how you are suitable for the job. Maybe what you can add on how you can help in zoo in moving towards its objective and also perphaps talk about the passion, care and love that you have for animal.
And also i am sure that this job requires direct interaction with animals? maybe you can say that you don't mind getting dirtied and the animal smell while working?
Just my 2 cents worth!
all the best! :D
February 8, 2010 at 11:03 PM
Hey guys,
Thanks for all the comments. Have edited my cover letter further, which I just uploaded on my next post. Hope it has improved.
See you on Thursday :)
February 9, 2010 at 11:35 PM
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